Ahhhhh....the phrase that I have heard a ba-zillion times a day for weeks on end! Those words, coupled with the jerking away of whatever it is that I am trying to help Luke with and the wrinkling of his little nose that often leads me to throw my hands up into the air, half the time in surrender and half the time in frustration! Yes....we are at that stage of being 3 1/2!
Ironically, it was this very afternoon, as I sat quietly near a sun-drenched window in my bedroom, praying and reading my Bible that I asked God to help me not only learn directly from His word, but also from the every day, real-life things that happen to me. I asked that I would have a teachable heart, and that in those days when I struggle to find a few minutes of quite with Him, that Jesus would teach me through my own daily experiences...through the simple things that usually go unnoticed or get glossed over in my day. That I might be more sensitive and watchful for those little lessons.
I didn't have to wait long for my first lesson.
It was bath time. Luke, Ellie and I were huddled into their tiny bathroom together, and I was feebly attempting to dress my bare-bottomed three year old before my very tired baby completely melted down into a puddle of tears. I was tired. I was flying solo on the bedtime routine tonight, as Ty was gone for a bit. It had been a long, busy weekend and I felt myself rushing headlong into what I hoped would be a quiet, restful evening (once the kids were in bed, that is!) I made the third (and final) plea with Luke to just please allow me to help him get his pj's on, when his words and that wrinkled little nose rang out loud as thunder and resonated in my heart. "I want to do it MYSELF!!" He turned towards the bathroom door then, and as I retreated from my mission to dress him, the thought instantly came to me.... "How often do I do this to you, Lord? How often do YOU throw your hands up in frustration when you try to help me but I resist?"
Oh dear! Here we go with lesson #1! For those of you who know me well, you know that I am stubbornly independent! Fiercely so at times. So this first little lesson that the Lord had for me tonight was not just haphazardly shot in my general direction from Heaven. Oh no! It was a well-aimed, direct bulls eye into my heart! And out of the mouths of babes no less! My babe! Thank you, Lord for this. I'm listening.
I tried to think further into this moment....to derive from it the lesson Jesus had for me, and I've actually pondered it now for some 24 hours. (See...He got me thinking!) I realize that, in many ways, I sometimes behave no differently towards God than my three year old son behaves towards me. I vie for independence (power?) and struggle against what I know is best for me, even when the help that is being offered to me would make the task at hand go easier or faster, more peacefully, or just have a better outcome all around. I want to figure things out on my own and at times, I (figuratively speaking of-course) stomp my feet and throw a tantrum when it doesn't turn out as I'd like it to. But much like how my preschooler doesn't want to take the time to listen to the reasoning as to why the help offered to him is good, I too am guilty of wrinkling up my nose and demanding that I figure it out myself...whatever 'it' may be at the time! I chuckle to myself now as I type, imagining our merciful, loving, all powerful, all knowing God standing beside me offering help through His word, or a friend or whatever, and me behaving like Luke did last night!!! Thankfully, I can see the humor in my transgressions, and I know that God can too, because he loves me so much!
Now, in my own defense....I am learning to be patient...to listen to the help offered and accept that is has value well beyond my ability to understand it! God is growing me in this area. But apparently, from the little moment I had with Luke last night, God also wants me to know that I there is still ground yet to be gained here! I can see now that it is in those moments when I struggle to do it myself that I need to remember more often than not, my heavenly Father has a much better plan and a much better way of handling things than I do!!
Thank goodness!!!
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