I'm feeling a little better about this whole nursing thing today. I think I was just beyond tired last night and feeling rather emotional. A restful night's sleep helped. Perspective. First and foremost, after thinking about it in bed last night, and talking to Ty, I have to admit that the end of nursing is more of a choice I'm making. Not that my dwindling supply isn't a real issue...it is, but I think that in many ways, I'm not totally willing to do what it would take to increase my supply. After all I have been through with nursing Luke, I know what I need to do to increase my milk production....or at-least try to. I know that, if I really wanted to ensure that I make it to the 1 year mark with breastfeeding Ellie (my original goal), I can pump after feedings and in the evenings, continue on the Fenugreek that I've been on for awhile now, and make sure that she is receiving full, uninterrupted, regular feedings throughout the day. I know all of this. The problem??? Life. Simply put, my hands are full. It is so difficult for me to even think about adding more into my day with pumping. Not to mention that Ellie is at that super-distractable stage where even getting to her nurse for more than a few minutes at a time is tough. The dog, her brother, the pretty artwork on the wall....ALL of it takes her attention away from eating. And its just not feasible (nor very safe) to leave Luke alone every time I need to nurse while I take Ellie into a quiet, darkened room to feed her like the books guide you to do.

Last night I think I was throwing a bit of a pity party, to be perfectly honest. I was just feeling frustrated that my body wants nursing to be an all or nothing deal. There is not a middle ground for me. Either I nurse exclusively and work very hard at maintaining my supply, or my supply dwindles down to a trickle. I wish I was one of those women who can nurse intermittently for months on end...say with one or two feedings a day. Wouldn't that be nice? But I just don't think my body works that way. :( So.....long story short....the reality is that I'm choosing not to go full steam ahead with all the steps necessary to maintain my supply....which means nursing is on the way out.

And you know what? I think that's okay. We made it almost 8 months. She's healthy....vibrant....growing (how could she not with the amount of solids she's eating!!!). With Luke, come hell or high water, I was nursing as long as I possibly could. He was a preemie after all, and needed every drop of milk he could get to make sure he was healthy. He needed me to bust my butt to keep my supply up, and I did. But Ellie is a different child in nearly all respects. And she's gonna be just fine. Right????

So full circle I go with my feelings in the last 24 hours. Part of the process, I guess. And really...when all is said and done, it won't seem like such a big deal in the end.