It was won before it began

Race day is just 5 short days away. And for the past week, I have been sicker than I have been in a long, long time. In all honesty, until this morning, I have been throwing a little pity party for myself, lamenting my bad luck at getting sick mere days before I am set to achieve what is probably one of the more challenging goals in my life. I have been feeling so frustrated these past few days...totally disillusioned that an entire year of running and 4 months of intense training were now going to be wasted because of illness. I have not been able to finish my last week of training...haven't been able to run at all in 8 days at this point. In my mind, because of this, I had already failed. In my mind, I hadn't completed what I set out to do, which was FINISH the training and then run the race. With each hacking cough & thermometer reading, I began to revise my goals from finishing under 2 hours to finishing in 2:10, then to 2:15 and then just to finish at all. The frustration level (and ensuing grumpiness!) have been high!

But this morning, as I sat finishing up my bible study, something clicked. I realized that running this race isn't about finishing in a set time or running at the peak of my performance. It isn't about how many check marks or missed days are on my training calendar. It isn't about how fast I run each mile or what that clock reads as I cross the finish line. I have been so utterly GOAL focused that I have missed the purpose in all of this. And what was that purpose? To accomplish something I did not think I was personally capable of. To gain confidence in myself that I have the ability to do whatever it is I choose to put my mind to doing. To press on beyond my comfort zone and build the faith necessary to do what feels impossible. To work hard for something.

As I sat there on the couch listing all these things, I realized that I have already done what I set out to do. My goal has been reached before the race is even run! And can I just say what an epiphany that was to me? Like I said, I am SUCH a goal-oriented, rule-following person. Deviating from plans and rolling with the punches aren't exactly my forte. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please! Lol!) In fact, I often feel as though I fail when I don't follow things to the letter. But this morning, God helped me to see that in this (and a lot of other things), it isn't about strict adherence to the 'rules'. Its about the heart of the matter. Its about doing the best you can with what you've got. I haven't failed. I have already won! I finally 'get it'...it truly is about the journey and not the destination. There is grace and mercy for me today, for I have NOT seen it this way before!

I shake my head and smile even as I type now. Why have I not seen this before? I have been putting so much pressure on myself with that finish line in mind.

So where do I go from here? I am looking at race day with a whole new perspective....to ENJOY it! Of-course I will do the best I can that day (I still am that competitive person, goal-oriented person, ya know!) but will I consider it failure if I don't cross that line under the 2 hour mark?? No. Because the prize has already been won! This race was won with each mile I trained....with every cold, dark morning I peeled myself from my warm bed and laced up those running shoes....despite rain or wind, sickness or exhaustion...with each sore muscle...with every ache and with each step I took when I felt like I couldn't go farther. I am so grateful today for this fresh perspective! His mercies truly are new every morning!

Now...let the race begin! :)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1