I AM...the Maker of the Heavens
I AM...the Bright and Morning Star
I AM...the Breath of all Creation
Who always was ,And is to come
I AM...the One who walked on water
I AM...the One who calmed the seas
I AM...the Miracles and Wonders
So come and see
And follow Me
You will know
(chorus)
I AM...the Fount of Living Water
The Risen Son of Man
The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry
I AM...your Savior and Redeemer
Who bore the sin of man
The Author and Perfecter
Beginning and the End
Yes...I AM

I AM...the Spirit deep inside you
I AM..the Word upon your heart
I AM...the One who even knew you
Before your birth
Before you were

(chorus)
I AM...the Fount of Living Water
The Risen Son of Man
The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry
I AM...your Savior and Redeemer
Who bore the sin of man
The Author and Perfecter
Beginning and the End
I AM
Yes I AM

Throughout the Earth...I AM
The Universe...I AM
In every heart...I AM
Oh, where you are...I AM
The Lord of Lords
The King of Kings
The Holy Lamb
Above all things
Yes, I AM Almighty God your Father
The Risen Son of Man
The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry
I AM your Savior and Redeemer
Who bore the sin of man
The Author and Perfecter
Beginning and the End -
Yes I AM!
Who I AM!

--------------------------------------
I heard this song by Mark Schultz yesterday morning as I drove home from spending some time with Laura and Maddie. Every word...every line of this song spoke deeply into my heart, whispering comfort and peace. I cried. You know...those tears that come out of the blue? The ones that spill over as if a fountain had just been turned on? The ones that you were trying so hard to hold in and thought you were doing a pretty good job concealing? Yes.....those.

Yesterday, my heart was anxious. It pounded deep in my chest for a good part of the day and I just felt on edge. Yesterday, my reaction to all that is going on around me was physical (there are other things too, with other friends, that I am not a liberty to speak of...horrible things). While I cannot put precise words to the deep feelings of empathy and pain I carry for my friends who are going through such treacherous times, I do know that I love them all very much and their pain has a ripple effect into the lives of those around them that I feel. I cannot shake it. God has laid them on my heart and I do the only thing I can 'do', which is to pray. I think the anxiety yesterday arose out of the simple fact that I am a do-er. One who wants to be in the trenches, helping. But in all practicality, I cannot act in these situations....I have to relinquish myself to what Psalm 49 says..."Be still and know that I am God." I have to sit still and pray. That is hard for me. It goes against my grain....it seems unnatural. The sitting still part...not the praying part. So you can see how the anxiety began to rise in my heart.

But isn't God amazing? Through that song yesterday, He brought about peace. He affirmed that HE is God....the healer of the broken, the Redeemer. He is here....over it all....watching, orchestrating things for good, comforting. Hhmmmmmmmmm. How glorious!!!! I love how he always does something like that.....sending a song, or a word from a friend...a little message hidden somewhere in your day or a verse from the Bible that shoots like an arrow straight into your heart. He is so faithful!

I am learning. Learning to rest and put my cares on Him. To let go of the worry. You would have thought I would have learned this by now. LOL! And I have.....in bits and pieces. But there is ground yet to gain, and I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be a lifelong process for me. Like I said....its ingrained.

Now, switching to what you probably all came to read...an update. Angel is doing quite well. He was extubated yesterday (no more respirator) and has been awake at times, though Sarah says he quickly exhausts and sleeps. They have been working to manage his pain without compromising his ability to breathe, which has been very rough on Sarah because at times throughout the day, that meant he seemed to be in excruciating pain. :( All the doctors and nurses have told them that Angel is doing amazingly well for this stage of the game. They cannot believe how strong he is! That's Angel!! :) But Sarah also wrote last night that they kinda fore-warned them that this is the 'honeymoon' period...the first three days post-transplant. Apparently around days 3 to 5, infection and rejection begin to arise. She said that "about 80% of liver/bowel transplant kids have some form of rejection". The coming days will likely be harder all around. She was grateful for this knowledge...to be able to mentally gear up and prepare. I would be too.

Sarah met with the new OB yesterday as well and set her c-section date for Aug. 15th (the day before Ellie's 1st birthday!) She will deliver there at UCLA, on the same floor, in fact, as Angel, so Nick will not have to go far to be with either of his precious loved-ones. Another detail God so wonderfully orchestrated! They have yet to secure housing, but are prayerfully working on that as well. Once that detail in set, Laura and I have offered to help prepare for sweet Haven's arrival by gathering, packing and moving a mini nursery to their new location. Again, this is where that deep sense of empathy comes in. I just cannot imagine how disappointing it must feel to have prepared all these months for your precious babe's arrival...to have purchased just the right things and decorated just so, only to have to leave it all behind for a foreign (and teeny tiny) new place. :( It breaks my heart. So it is my prayer that Laura and I can help Sarah to create a cozy, homey little spot for Haven to come home to....a special place all her own to celebrate her. With so much going on around them and so much stress, I pray that Haven's birth will be a time of sweet rejoicing and celebration and not an added stress or burden. I know it will be.....a celebration that is!

Well, my friends...that is it for today. At-least at this point. Here is how you can pray today....
* still for them to secure housing that is both big enough and affordable
* for infection to be kept at bay and there to be the least amount or NO rejection (God could work a
miracle here, if He wants to!!!)
*for Hudson, who is with his grandmas.....that he is able to adjust to all these changes well

Thank you, friends!